A year of unhappiness
by TTluv19
Summary: Riley and Lucas had been dating for nearly a year, I was hopelessly playing the long game with a guy I see once every two months- and science was just a violent kick to the face. A reminder that things hadn't gone the way I wanted them too- but that didn't matter. I'd step back a thousand times for Riley if that meant her happiness. My heart was but a small coin to pay.


**A/N: The italics in brackets are Maya's heart's thoughts, kind of like important messages/ lessons she subconsciously learns after she experiences the things she does below :) Hope that makes sense xD**

* * *

A year of unhappiness~ A short account following my last month of Freshman year. It seems only right to document this in my journal- not diary (because ew to diaries- Maya Hart does _not_ do diaries.)

By Maya P. Hart.

* * *

 _(I did the right thing._

 _I did the right thing._

 _I did the right thing_.)

"Morning Ranger Rick." I greeted Lucas as I sat down next to him.

Monday morning science class.

Hate it. Why?

Well because, for some reason, even in high school, teachers still loved to put _us_ together.

Riley and Lucas had been dating for nearly a year, I was hopelessly playing the long game with a guy I see once every two months- and science was just a violent kick to the face.

A reminder that things hadn't gone the way I wanted them too- but that didn't matter.

I'd step back a thousand times for Riley if that meant her happiness. My heart was but a small coin to pay.

"Good morning Maya. Uh- how was your weekend?" Lucas asked, he was very obviously trying to avoid eye contact.

So I played along with a quiet sigh, "Good."

I looked over to Riley who was happily talking to Farkle; her life and her friendships hadn't changed a bit.

Just under fifteen words today. Fifteen words and nervous, almost frightened, glances were shared between Lucas and I.

Much better than Friday's ten words.

Despite this, things had changed, things were awkward. And I don't think they wanted to change back anytime soon- it'd been like this for nearly a year.

But what I missed most was his friendship.

And I think he missed it too.

Yet things just couldn't be the same. Not now.

Not when lingering feelings, even tiny ones were involved.

* * *

 _(We'd always say that nobody would get hurt._

 _But if I told you that nobody was hurting, it'd be a blatant lie.)_

"Maya, where were you on Saturday?" Riley asked, munching on some salad next to Lucas, "You didn't drop by for our Saturday chats."

I sat down opposite the pair with my own lunch tray, "Oh, uhm, well you told me that Lucas was coming round so I thought I'd leave you two to it." I forced a sweet smile but didn't miss the way Lucas noticeably frowned.

I felt guilty for causing it.

* * *

 _(But Riley's happy. So I'm happy.)_

After missing last week's Saturday chat, I decided to meet Riley at her place.

But all she wanted to talk about was her date with Lucas.

"Maya, he took me to this wonderful ice cream place. I'll have to take you there some time. He pulled out my chair and everything! It was so romantic."

I forced another smile and placed a hand on Riley's knee, "I'm so happy for you Riles."

She looked into my eyes, almost trying to unpick my thoughts. Her eyes glinted with a small understanding which made me feel nervous. I shifted under the cushioned seat of the bay window and leaned away from her.

Thankfully she chose to change the subject.

"Are you excited to hang with Josh this weekend?"

"Actually...he cancelled. No biggy, he called me apologising. It was rather sweet actually."

"Oh." Was all Riley said; picking up on my blunt tone about her uncle. You know, the silly child crush I had for about a year before it burned to the ground.

Then she stared at me real hard again, she was going to finally call me out.

"Maya-" Riley began, her voice soft but pleading for the truth.

"Maya!" Auggie bounded into the room and into my arms. I honestly didn't think that it was possible to love this boy anymore than I already do- he was a real life saver and he didn't even know it- but my love for Auggie just went up by 100 points.

"Mom says you and Riley can help us with some cookies. Will you help us? You haven't been round in ages!"

"Auggie I saw you last week." I laughed and avoided Riley's stone gaze.

"Yeah, but mom says that you and Riley are both growing up now and need to focus more on studies than me!"

If only that was the reason I seemed to be drifting around school, and around Riley's house. I was only really at home when I was by myself- not even Lucas' presence could calm me, now I was just walking on egg shells around him.

I was a feather, drifting with the wind, no place really to call my own within my circle of friends.

"I'll bake cookies with you Augs, and so will Riley." I plastered another smile on my face, I'd been doing that a lot lately, and left Riley's room, following the smaller boy.

* * *

 _(Yup, I'm happy. And so is he.)_

I stood at my locker one day, making it look like I was trying to find a book or a pen I'd lost when in reality I was eavesdropping.

On none other than Lucas and Zay. They were only just within my hearing range, both at Zay's locker. Riley was in English class early so that our teacher could grade her essay, and I was...well I honestly didn't know what I was doing when they'd both turned up.

Daydreaming again? Probably.

"So, did you kiss her?" I heard Zay ask and my heart instantly dropped.

I snuck a quick glance at the two, Lucas was scratching his head and Zay eating an apple, "Uhm...yeah."

I bit my lip with furrowed eyebrows and stared hard at picture on my locker. It was one of me, Riley, Zay, Lucas and Farkle at middle school graduation.

We'd really all changed so much. At least freshman year was nearly over- it was by far the worse school year of them all.

"Dude? What's with the face, didn't you like the kiss?"

"It was...I dunno missing something." I heard Lucas sigh.

"Oh." Was all Zay said, "So what you mean to say was that it wasn't with Maya?"

"Zay-"

"Lucas don't deny it-"

This was wrong.

I slammed my locker shut and stormed down the hall in the opposite direction- suddenly not too fond of eavesdropping.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

* * *

 _(And so everyone was happy- but not really_.)

Riley definitely knew something was up. Especially since I'd been succefully dodging questions she really wanted to ask but ones I really didn't want to answer.

"Maya!" Riley all but screamed, leaving the class we'd just finished, "Can you just stop running? I need to talk to you."

I saw the look on her face. If I didn't face her questions now, our friendship could very well be on the line.

"I'm sorry Riles, let's go talk outside." I told her, as I dodged our fellow peers. I really hated being this small in a school this big.

Once we'd successfully gotten out of school without being trampled, we sat outside on a bench in the school's only green space, the allotment, where vegetables and fruit were grown.

"Maya? What's wrong?-"

"Nothing's wrong-" I began.

"Peaches. Please stop lying to me, you've been all over the place this past year- but not really there at all. Is this about Josh?"

Could I really lie to her again?

"Riley...it's not about Josh. I promise. But I just don't want to get into this, not now. Just give me time to figure things out, yeah?"

Riley looked dissapointed, I could tell she was also holding back what she hoped she could share.

"You will come to me, though? No matter what is?" Riley's voice was small and faint- but I heard her cry so clearly.

"Of course." I smiled, this one not forced, "I'll always tell you everything. I just need to understand myself a little better first."

"Is this really a part of growing up?" She asked.

"Apparently so. But we'll figure it out, yeah?"

"Yeah. Ring power?"

I smiled faintly.

"Ring power." I promised.

* * *

 _(And when things aren't balanced, and not everything is in order...)_

I looked up at Lucas, smiling at him for the first time in months. Things were slowly going back to normal.

He looked at me, green eyes shining with mirth. Apparently my joke was just so hilarious; because he was laughing. It was genuine- music to my ears- and you could tell he hadn't laughed like that in a long while.

"Friar. Detention." Our science teacher fired. I bit my lip so that he wouldn't see my smile, but I knew I'd gone wrong when I glanced at Lucas again; he looked so bummed.

And so I couldn't help it, I let out the smallest snort.

"Hart. Detention too."

Dang it.

I looked over to see Riley's reaction- both her and Farkle were staring at me. My heart dropped- she finally knew, and my smile dropped. Both of them did. She'd put the pieces together; and Farkle had helped her. It was as clear as day.

* * *

 _(The universe screams at you to stop throwing it off.)_

"Don't either of you move. I'll be back in ten." Mr Karoley, our science teacher, told us.

I sat next to Lucas, doodling on the table absent mindedly.

I really hadn't thought this through. I hadn't been alone with Lucas since...well it seemed like forever now.

"So..." Lucas began.

I kept my eyes trained on my inky flower.

I heard Lucas sigh next to me, obviously irritated, "Why do you keep avoiding me?"

"I haven't been avoiding you. We see each other at least every day. Either in science or at lunch or at Riley's-"

"Maya stop!" Lucas raised his voice and placed a finger underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him.

I grimaced at the tingles his hand seemed to give me.

I pulled away from his touch, "Stop what Lucas?"

"Can you please just acknowledge this... thing between us."

"What thing? There's no thing. We're friends, best buds."

Lucas smiled faintly and shook his head, "Maya I can't do this. I miss our friendship...I miss us. Science today was a bitter reality check, I miss the _old us._ "

I sat silently, mulling over his words, "But you chose Riley. And now she's happy- so I'm happy. You're happy with her and so everything is just peachy-"

"But it's not." He grabbed my hands, "I chose you, well I was going to. But then you pushed me away, told me to go for Riley. I thought you didn't want me the way I wanted you-"

"Stop. I can't do this. Not here, not now." I pulled my hands out of his and looked anywhere but at him.

 _(And then someone blows.)_

"Then when, Maya?! Things aren't right!"

"Can you just stop yelling?!" I tried to reason with him.

His chair screeched across the floor as he got up, "I want you Maya. It's you I want- and you're driving me crazy!"

"What about Riley?!" I shouted back and stood up too, standing my ground. I don't think I'd ever argued seriosuly with Lucas about anything; I never imagined that it'd be about this.

"Riley's not in love with me! She's in love with the idea of being with me. She doesn't accept all of me. I always feel like I have to be somebody else around her, but not with you-"

"Lucas, stop!" I screamed and began to walk towards the science lab's door.

"Maya! Stop _running!_ " He grabbed my wrist and I froze.

 _(But after you accept the world's way of telling you that it knows best...)_

"Let go, this isn't fair to Riley. You can't just play with her heart like this. I won't be a part of this."

" _Maya_." I turned towards him and lost myself within his burning gaze. I couldn't help it, his voice held the most warmth I'd heard all year.

He pulled me closer, not letting go of my wrist.

"What?"

"I think I'm in love with you-"

"No, you're not. You're too young to feel that way-" I tried, although I knew I was just lying to myself. I knew because I couldn't even believe how deep my own feelings ran.

"No. I know what I feel."

I couldn't keep his gaze so I stared at the floor.

I then smiled up at him, why was he so irresistible?

"That's the Maya I know." He smiled too and rubbed a thumb against my wrist.

"You need to tell Riley." I told him.

"No. _We_ need to tell her."

 _(Things get easier, especially when you know you're not alone.)_

* * *

And that's what I've learned this year,

 _~Maya._

* * *

 **A/N: I hope the plot was easy to follow, please let me know if this wasn't clear. This is another one-shot, just a short expirement for me to hopefully improve my writing. I hope you enjoyed- feel free to leave a review ^^**


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